When Fear Grows Louder Than Reason – and You Still Go
When everyone tells you what is reasonable, but you still risk losing — because life is not about living someone else’s path. Because these are not your own thoughts, but the opinions and expectations of others that settle like a fog upon your heart. I was deeply afraid to travel to Nigeria. A fear that had crept into my mind so deeply that I could hardly predict what to expect. Horrific images dominated my inner world. And there was this internal battle — to do something that went against every logical, plausible, and understandable argument — something that terrified me myself. I kept telling myself that I didn’t have to do it. No obligation, no job, no relationship forced me. And so, during this journey, which would take about fourteen hours, I had plenty of time to confront my own thoughts.
I thought I was crazy. Someone deliberately walking into danger just to follow a desire I couldn’t even explain. And I was ashamed of it. I never wanted to be a heroine, nor an adrenaline junkie, nor anything like that. I had simply always wanted to live a normal life. But maybe this “normality” is difficult to achieve — because life itself is not rigid. Because there is no straight path. Everyone carries wishes within them that sometimes break out of what is considered “reasonable.” Unless you swim with the masses, following prewritten paths and creating supposedly “personal” goals that rarely come from true inner depth.
My thoughts raced. And they were not good thoughts. In addition to my fear of flying, there was my growing fear of Nigeria. Justified, yes. Everyone who warned me had valid reasons from their point of view. But life teaches us that there are many truths. Experiences shaped by personal encounters, by the stories of others, or by the media. At some point, each person must decide whether they are ready to seek their own truth — whether they are ready to take risks for it. There will always be overlaps, confirmations, and new realizations. We humans are, after all, social beings. Routine gives us safety. Our familiar surroundings — no matter how harsh they may seem to others — are our protected space because we have learned how to navigate them.
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Change stirs everything up. It creates insecurity. And when this insecurity is amplified by people we care about, it becomes even harder to walk our own paths. Often, we retreat. And that’s okay. Because it is a human reflex — the longing to belong, to be accepted, not to fail, not to disappoint anyone. This thought circled in my mind as well. I didn’t want to fail again. But I also accepted that failure is a part of life. Just like loss. Even if we prefer to hide it. Because we all prefer beauty.
On this long journey, something unexpected finally distracted me: beautiful encounters. Two pleasant fellow travelers from Nigeria spoke with me, offering different perspectives, different colors for my thoughts. And suddenly, I felt my insecurity slowly dissolve — like gentle waves on a once-stormy sea.
If, among the countless possibilities that life offers us every day, we choose the path that — despite all fears — aligns with our inner truth, then sometimes small miracles happen.
Despite my fear, I felt my heart bloom when I looked out of the airplane window and saw the breathtaking beauty of Nigeria. The wide, green landscapes. The wild, untamed nature. I know many will not understand it. Maybe they will think I’m crazy. But for me, Nigeria feels like a beautiful rose wrapped in countless thorns — a fascinating, suffering, dangerous, and vibrant land.
And just as you cannot grab a rose with brute force, but must touch it gently, allowing it to grow without destroying its roots, I want to encounter this country in the same way.
Slowly. With respect. With an open heart.
Even knowing that I might get hurt. But maybe that’s exactly the essence of life.
